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July 2024



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You need to know that this goes on and is deeply imbedded in the highest levels of power in our world.

I have previously shared this extraordinary testimonial of Toos Nijenhuis with many of you, which reveals how these rituals reach to the very highest levels of religion and political power. I never imagined a pope and his entourage and a head rabbi attending the same ritual abuse event.

And I have worked personally with two people who have suffered these extremes of abuse, and many who have experienced sexual abuse as children. Here is the story of one of them:

I was born in 1941; the German Nazis were still busy creating havoc in Germany!  No MK Ultra Mind Control at that point in time but when I read Cathy Obrien’s books, I could see some similarities between my upbringing and hers which led me to say “on the fringes of MK Ultra Mind Control”.  I believe that my father was a sociopath/psychopath but very smart and cunning.  He was very abusive and controlling. How did he learn to control? I don’t know.  As a little girl, I went to ritual gatherings with him where animal abuse and murder happened. He would take my blood and bring it to the gatherings for “communion”.  I was “sexually used” by the members of the group and at one gathering there was discussion of my being a ritual sacrifice. He also took me on “outings” where he would abuse and sometimes murder his victims.  He mutilated my vagina with a knife to create a larger opening so that it was easier to use me. My first more public outing was to the Freemasons Club where I was “shared” with the members who desired sex with a very young girl. His older brother seemed to arrange it all as a member of high standing in the Masons. Was this uncle a handler?  I don’t know.  

I learned from an early age that the next day after an event I had absolutely no memory of the previous day’s happening.  My life was perfect from the outside looking in and I believed it too.  I continually “forgot” all the bad stuff.  My father was a lawyer in the law firm established by my grandfather.  His brother was the District Attorney and my grandfather was a Judge. My Dad had almost free rein to make mayhem and not be caught or punished. I remember going to the police station after one particularly disturbing event when I was older. I was driven home by the police and told to keep quiet and to ‘be good”. 

I don’t remember a “handler” of me other than my Dad. I do remember being forced to contribute to the mayhem and I believe that I may have. My Dad had plans to continually “use” me as he desired and certainly did not want me to go to college. However, my maternal grandmother came to my rescue and said that if he did not send me to college, then she was going to the press and was not going to stop talking until someone paid attention to her.  She said she had secret notes stored in a place that would become public upon her death. I believe she knew a great deal. So I got to go to a good university and then to graduate school.  

There was a local boyfriend of mine that my Dad took a shine to.  He was offering him a place in the law firm if and when we married. I never made a life with this man to my Dad’s disappointment and this man spent his entire career in the CIA. In fact he still is working for them.  Was he supposed to be my next handler?  What missions were I supposed to do with him?  I wonder.  Instead I married a gentle man – stubborn with a temper but with a kind heart.  He believes that my Dad was abusive. Amazingly we have two grown children who are kind and loving and two grandchildren who know first-hand the pain of Newtown, Ct. but who are also loving and resilient. 

I had an incredible 25 year career as a real estate developer in the Boston area. My partners and I went from being a small boutique firm to the fifth largest residential developer in New England when I retired. Upon reflection I was almost always the one who continually stressed that the customer’s needs were first; I encouraged us only think of being “of service” (knowing the money would follow). 

What is absolutely amazing is that I had no knowledge of this dark past until about 16 or 17 years ago. I only knew the perfect parts of my life.  My Dad was visiting and I remember looking at him and saying to myself – he is old and frail now and he can no longer hurt you. With that, memories came flooding back.  And I do mean flooding in!  For months every night it was like going to the horror movies.  My life kept coming at me and the post-traumatic stress was incredible. It was hard for my family to take it in.  In fact the depth of the abuse has never been accepted by the members of my family.  My brother is convinced it is “false memory syndrome” and he will have nothing to do with me.   

I still have returning memories.  I still have huge bouts of fear but I continue to work through it.  I can’t say that I take complete responsibility for this life choice (maybe I was on a coffee break when this choice was made) but maybe it was for the very reason that you explore and write about what is happening on the Earth right now. I know first-hand about the dark.  From the depths of my heart and soul I desire a better world.   

I have written notebooks filled with these memories. I wrote as the memories surfaced.  At first because I did not want to forget them!  

I know the false memory syndrome’s origins.  My brother was not subject to the abuse as far as I know. I often suffered more abuse in order to protect him from abuse (so my father said).  My brother feels that it was not possible in our household. My father was a very revered member of our community. 

My father was born as a second son to my grandmother, many years after the first son.  She had desperately wanted a girl and dressed him in girl’s clothes.  Quite the start for him! 

Yes it runs in families. My mother was also a victim of abuse by her Dad. This grandpa was a Methodist minister and he abused me as well. I was often called to his study where the abuse took place. In fact he would drag me to the church when no-one was there and preach from the pulpit about my sins!  I believe that my father may have abused my daughter when she was a toddler and left in his care.  She has no memories of this. I do know that my grandchildren are NOT abused. They have a loving father and family.  We have finally stopped this multigenerational tragedy. 

I guess I did know that these practices are very, very old.  Some similarities between Cathy’s life and mine were very interesting to me. I certainly did not to go on and have the “career” in high level espionage and sex slavery that she did.  

I do feel loved.  It has taken a long time for me to be able to say that!  It has taken even longer to be able to say that I love me! And I admit that it sometimes is still elusive. 

Thank you for your continuing efforts to help me find peace.

My friends, let us not enter 2014 with our heads in the sand about what goes on in our world and how it is run and for what purposes. Our denial, our glib comfort in our own lives, our busyness with the minutiae of our own existences, our self-righteous assessment that what I write about is somehow not relevant to you or how or where you live, is the basis upon which this persists. Begin to understand the context of your life, how it is created and by whom, not just its content. Don’t wait for a bomb to go off in your own life before you begin to look.

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